


Samurai Jack and the Hopefully More Realistically Portrayed Emotional Issues

by xiilnek



Category: Samurai Jack (Cartoon)
Genre: Gen, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-10
Updated: 2017-11-10
Packaged: 2019-01-31 09:27:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12679089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xiilnek/pseuds/xiilnek
Summary: Ever since I saw that graveyard scene in the last season I wanted to rewrite it. A suicide attempt, even a fictional one, isn't like pulling a rabbit out of a hat - the writers shouldn't get to spend half a season building Jack up to that mental state and less than five minutes after the attempt just make those emotions magically disappear.





	Samurai Jack and the Hopefully More Realistically Portrayed Emotional Issues

**Author's Note:**

> This sat in my documents for ages because I wanted to make it a longer fic. But long fic is too much for me, the sheer amount of detail needed baffles me and I am just too intimidated to make it work. But the last season of Samurai Jack so dearly needs a rewrite in which Jack learns to deal with (and, by the end, learns to live with) the guilt of his past and the occasional hopelessness and pain of his present, so I'll put my plans for the fic I can't write in the ending note and if anyone wants to pick that up and run with it, feel free to use the stuff I'll list below and drop me a link so I can read it. (Those end notes really are a monster, so I apologize for that in advance.)
> 
> I do think this version, though shorter than what I planned, does the job just as effectively. I hope you'll feel that way too.

She looked so frightened. Here there is no one but the two of them - the spirits have gone. And still she looks so frightened. Of him.

“I... uh.” He searches for the right thing to say. Or even the first thing. Anything. “I like your hair. And dress.”

He does. It suits her. He smiles at her, a hopeful little smile which blossoms into relief once she smiles back.

“What now?” she asks, standing. The reality in the question hits him hard, knocking the smile off his face. The expectation in her eyes repels his own; his gaze slips off to one side and settles down near their feet. Ashi has even, he notes, fashioned herself some boots. He likes them.

But it is no longer the time to say so. She _has_ asked him a question, no matter how unable he feels to face it.

“I do not know,” he says, and it comes out in a whisper. He swallows. Then he looks at his arm, a little surprised to see her hand laying on it.

“What’s wrong? Is it the children? They really are okay, Jack. I saw them wake up.”

“I rejoice to hear of their safety,” he manages, slowly and honestly. “But… That…”

Finding the right words is so difficult. He has been speaking this language, this and others, for a very long time now - familiarity with the words themselves is not the issue.

She sounds so concerned. If he looked up he’s sure she would look the same. He has never been quite comfortable with misplaced things.

“That does not change the fact that I have failed. My father’s sword has left me, and it was the only weapon capable of destroying Aku’s evil. The day I lost it- The day I lost it the last time portal in existence was lost, too. I do not know ‘what now’, and so I can not answer your question. There is nothing I can do which will undo my failure.”

He realizes that what he is staring so hard at is the sword still in his hand. The one thing which only a minute ago was going to- Well, it could not have undone anything. That much is impossible. He is painfully aware of that. But it would have paid for something.

“Well, there’s got to be something!” It’s the passion of her words, rather than the words themselves, which startles him from his thoughts. “There’s a way out there to destroy him. We just have to find it!”

“I have looked.” The words are as gentle as he can make them. The words are terrible. He has to look away from her again. “Many times. Everything which might have helped is gone.”

“Then why did you show me the truth about Aku in the first place!” Her passion seems to grow as his dims; if he does not respond at all, perhaps this inverse relationship will grow to the point that Ashi will simply explode. “Why did you go to all that trouble to help me? You wouldn’t have if you hadn’t thought there was _something_ we could do! There’s some hope in you somewhere, Jack, whether you think so or not. You just have to find it.”

If she _is_ going to explode with more passion than the human body can contain now is the time, because in this moment any potential response is far too dangerous. His options are two: Either she is wrong and there is no hope in him after all, or it is inside of him and he is not enough to find it. Either response, therefore, will doubtless push his friend further away from him. He can not bear to respond to her at all.

She does not, against all expectation, explode. Instead she leans forward, looking closely at his face. He can almost feel her emotions softening.

Whatever she is thinking now, he can not help her with it. He can only leave her to come to her own conclusion and, after a moment, she seems to.

“I’ll, uh… I’ll just pick a direction, okay?” Her voice is oddly careful, and her hand on his arm yet again surprises him.

“We’ll find someone on the way, someone to help. Then you’ll see," she tells him, encouraging and earnest and so very hopeful. Unlike before, his smile in return holds nothing like relief. 

She leads him away in the direction she has chosen, chin up, head held high. The green fog clings to his bare feet as he follows. It swirls around his every step. He does his best to look away from it.

**Author's Note:**

> From here I'd planned for Ashi to make Jack a cute leaf outfit to match hers and replace his old one, and from there for them to run into the Scotsman (possibly via an action sequence where the Scotsman and Ashi can bond). That night the Scotsman notices that Jack is sleeping badly and hears a little about what happened from Ashi, who may or may not tell everything depending on whether she's too young and sheltered to realize Jack might want her to keep some or all of it private. The Scotsman's concerned, of course, so he decides to try and start Jack thinking a little more about his successes than his failures by formally adopting Jack into his family and making Jack the godfather of his unborn army of daughters (because I'd also planned to cut out the plot-irrelevant thing about Jack not aging and set this while the Scotsman's daughters were just a million test tube babies, or whatever).
> 
> I wasn't sure if that would distract too much from the story, but I did want something in there to nudge Jack toward realizing that just because his failures are all he can think about doesn't mean that's all he is. Jack might need one or two more encounters with his allies, and maybe a couple earnest conversations, before he actually started thinking about it, but I didn't have any specific plans about that. 
> 
> Then once Jack had started to feel more optimistic and connected to the world and people he cared about, I had vague thoughts about Aku making some trouble that prompts Jack and his allies to risk a confrontation, even though Jack doesn't have the sword. Ashi might have similar troubles to what she had in the show, but I wanted to pick up the show's theme of how his kindness has always been his main strength and have him help her through it somehow. Then she... maybe uses her powers to meld with Aku or something? It doesn't matter, the upshot is that she defeats him in a way that makes Aku's loyal followers hail her as the new Empress of Darkness, and she and her allies are free to start rebuilding Aku's empire. 
> 
> The last scene was the one I had the most solidly in my head. They're free to make their brave new world but of course Jack's grief and enormous guilt aren't gone. That metaphorical green fog that had hung around all through the story is there under his feet and Jack stares at it, and then he looks away from it and goes to join Ashi and his friends while they build a hopeful new future. 
> 
> So basically I'd intended the same ending as in the fic I actually wrote only... more hopeful. A story like that is way beyond my capacity right now (or maybe ever). I hope y'all enjoyed at least the idea of that longer, bigger story, anyway.


End file.
